So I'm here sitting in my room crying. What's new? Actually, it's been really good lately. The occasional fight, but that's expected, it's just that this one hurt. A lot. I feel--empty. I haven't felt like that in a long while. I try to just make everything better, but it somehow gets worse. I was hoping that this week would be great, just getting ready to move in and all that, but no, stupid me had to screw it up. Is it me, or no? I know when I mess up, honestly, but this time I can't tell. I apologized and everything, but it still wasn't better. It's like if I apologize, it doesn't matter, but if it's reversed, it's better. What's with that? It doesn't make any sense. In a way, I feel cheated. I say it all the time, "Why is it okay if you do it, but it's terrible when I do it?", but it never gets me anywhere. I'm just confused. I want everything to be great. I want to spend the night and wake up next to him. I want to walk to class and eat dinner together. I want to live together next year. I want all of that, but it's like with everyday that passes, it seems farther away. It should seem closer, right? It used to. It did when everything was great and I just kept my mouth shut. But then again, that was before everything happened. That stupid incident which I will never speak of again. I want it to be amazing again. I want to be loved, admirered (sp?), and wanted. I want to be wanted. It just doesn't feel that way anymore. Like I'm just someone to talk to when they feel like it. Just someone to say goodnight to. Just someone to call when they're bored. I feel like a nuisence. Like I'm a bother when I call or say something I think would be cute to say. It's like, "insert pity laugh here". That's exactly what it's like. It never used to be like that. *sigh*
I hope everyone is having a great time at school and shoutout to everyone who's still on their summer vacation. :) Move in is Friday and after that, I'm on my own. Yay.